"Bestia" is the core of Lullabied. It is the driving force behind the rest of the songs. It is the reason that this album exists.
Bestia is the Spanish word for beast. This beast, you fight. It is part of your inner-battles. Your weaknesses, struggles, temptations, wrong-doings.
Behind the Scenes Video
Composition
The majority of this piece was written towards the end of 2013. At the time I had been out of college for only a couple of months and living in a small town in Oregon. This was also a very intense emotional time for me as I was exploring my career options. Also, my family was under a lot of stress because my grandma (who lives with us) had recently broken her leg twice, and I had just left them to make this unexpected move. A couple months after my move, my depression was at its peak.
After a major relapse, a doctor recommended I move home to take some serious time to focus on my emotional and mental well-being. It was embarrassing to be at the point where I needed to finally ask for help. I had been struggling with depression, and apparently bipolar disorder, for ten years and had been doing fine on my own up until then.
As I was taking time to recover, I finished writing "Bestia," which was intended to be a solo piano piece. After my first recording session, I later heard a cello part in my head and afterwards, a beat that seemed to add a sense of oppression.
The Recording Process
This was the first song off the album that was recorded, and my first real professional studio experience. A few years prior I had recorded a demo of "Lullabied," which didn't turn out so well and wasn't a good experience, so I was weary of trying it again. As a potential new independent artist with very limited knowledge of the music business, understanding what resources were available to me took some time.
I saw a picture of one of my friends from college playing the drums at a nice studio. As I looked further into where the picture was taken, I found out that the studio was only an hour from my house. After listening to samples on the website, I contacted Jason Jones at Art City Sound to set up an appointment.
Jason was incredible to work with. He took the time to listen to my needs, what similar artists sounded like, and he worked with me to get the sound I was looking for. I knew I had found the right place to create. The prospect of recording an album soon became a reality.
My brother came to the studio with me. He was a good sport, as he sat through this first six hour session. He even sang four notes, which can be heard from 3:22 - 3:36. What was originally intended to be a piano piece quickly turned into an in-studio-writing-marathon as I learned what tools and instruments were available to me.
The cello was played by Kathryn Andelin, who had been a client of the studio before. As we recorded there was confusion and the cello didn't turn out nearly at all like I had written, which was a blessing in disguise. It much better suits the song how it is.
Because we recorded the piano without a click track, the drums were entered in manually instead of using a looping method.
The Music Video
The music video was filmed and edited by Eric Thayne from Celadora Studios. The concept and design began shortly after the filming for "Breath and Dust" was complete. (This was second video to be filmed). It took me nearly three months to make all the props and costumes. I began designing the Bestias' (wild men) first with the intent of having them look similar to the stuffed animal. Because my sewing skills lack, the costumes evolved into more of a wild man look, which ultimately was better for the storyline.
The costumes were made from minky, a very soft fabric intended for blankets. I liked how it looked like animal fur, which would give the actors a more primitive appearance. Two weeks before the video shoot, I buried them in dirt and occasionally sprinkled water on them to get mud to stick. I wanted the actors to look like they had been living in the forest for a while. When the day to shoot came, my actors didn't appreciate how dirty their costumes were, but they were good sports.
Though it doesn't look too complex, the cage was one of the more difficult things I've built. After deciding that a traditional shelter wouldn't do, I had to create my own design. I am lucky to live close to mountains, where I was able to get some of the wood. However, my first resort was driving through my neighborhood on garbage day looking for wood and branches people had cut down from their trees. A few people were kind enough to give me their wood, and even help load it in my car.
Because the piano I used for "Breath and Dust" was trashed, I bought a used one for $50 and refinished it ivory colored. It had been too much work to gut the previous one, but after moving it in and out of a moving truck several times for this video, I've decided it is worth the time to gut it. It weighed about 400 pounds.
Two locations were chosen for the shoot. The first one was a dry river bed at Battle Creek (Kiwanis) Park in Pleasant Grove, Utah. Some friendly hikers helped us get the fragile wooden cage down into the river bed (which was down a hill).
Shooting the piano part was a little more difficult. Originally we had planned to place the piano in a forest, but because it was incredibly difficult to move, we had to improvise. It was placed at the edge of the parking lot next to a tree, creating the illusion that it was in the forest. Perhaps next time I can plan better and we can do the real thing. Apparently there were hikers that were stopping to watch. I didn't know that, as my back was turned.
For the second location we made a return to Utah Lake, where "Breath and Dust" was filmed. I wanted to start to bridge the gap between the videos so that eventually when you watch them in the order that the tracks are on the album, it will create a storyline. "Bestia" is number two, and "Breath and Dust," four. The bridge between them is "Heaven Rain" - which is planned for filming.
I need to mention the actors in this video. The boy was played by Andrew, who is a piano student of mine. Currently he has been playing for about five months and his progress is incredible. He is able to play pieces that took me 10 years to get to. Next up on his list is "Bestia." After he learns it I may be able to convince him to let me record him playing it.
The Bestias were portrayed by my brother, Berlin, and cousin, Sam. Both have been huge supporters of my music. (Both are also goof-balls as you can see in the video below). Berlin helped me behind the scenes with my previous video, "Breath and Dust," and recently graduated from college with a degree in musical theatre. On the set he was dancing around in his costume joking that he was in this video because it was a musical. Sam is the biggest fan of "Bestia" that I know. Whenever I came up with a new idea for this video, I had to run it by him first.
Extra: While Sam and Andrew were filming their fight scene, Sam was so into it he broke his weapon. Here's a picture of them practicing their scene a few weeks beforehand:
Symbolism in the Music Video
1. A stuffed animal, or monster. I call this the Bestia, which is Spanish for “beast”. The Bestia represents weaknesses, struggles, temptations, and even wrong-doings. These things you battle daily, inside of you.
2. Bestias (the wild men) and their camp. This is a more physical and visual representation of the evil, weaknesses, struggles, and temptations that we face every day. These are the "bad guys".
3. The boy. He is seen spying on the Bestia camp, which causes him to ultimately get caught and held prisoner. The Bestias (wild men) smear mud on his face as well as put a black cape on him in attempt to turn him into one of them. When he is freed he remembers his potential and fights his demons. This is you.
4. White body paint. White is often accepted as a symbol of innocence, purity, and faith. The designs on the boy's and my body represent healing and safety from those things that one may participate in that ultimately cause harm. This could be an addiction, overindulgence, or something smaller such as a white lie. In my personal case, they represent my recovery from self-harm.
5. Metal lock on the wooden and twine cage. To most people that see the video, the metal lock seems out of place. However, as will be explained in a future video, it is not. One never gets them self into really bad situation all at once. It is usually little by little, which causes their predicament to become worse and worse. In this case, we can assume that the longer the boy was imprisoned and spent time with the bestias, the cage would eventually transform into a completely metal structure from the fragile wood and twine. It would have been harder to escape from.
5. Metal lock on the wooden and twine cage. To most people that see the video, the metal lock seems out of place. However, as will be explained in a future video, it is not. One never gets them self into really bad situation all at once. It is usually little by little, which causes their predicament to become worse and worse. In this case, we can assume that the longer the boy was imprisoned and spent time with the bestias, the cage would eventually transform into a completely metal structure from the fragile wood and twine. It would have been harder to escape from.
6. The Lake. In a Christian sense, this body of water can be viewed as baptism, being born again. Shedding of those things that make us weaker. Cleansing. The boy symbolically gets rid of his weaknesses and recent mistakes by throwing the stuffed animal in the lake.
All the music videos for the album (Lullabied) are connected. Each song a story, each story a lullaby.
If there are other symbolic references that you see, please leave a comment. I’d love to hear what you take away. Enjoy.
